Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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