Whod you bang
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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