my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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