Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Drake has all the answers
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
