then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
