Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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