who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
