How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You are the jesus of drinking
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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