hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
