God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
