Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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