I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
