I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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