I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
