first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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