when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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