the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
