Kiss
Puke
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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