Small penises have feelings too.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize