she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize