I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
