got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
