i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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