last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize