this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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