She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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