I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
