I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
