and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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