if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
