after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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