ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
