It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
