You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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