Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
