If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
