On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
