Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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