I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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