i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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