Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
