I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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