is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
