Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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