weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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