Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize