please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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