mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
