I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
