This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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