the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
