The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
