the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
