My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
