On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
