The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
