I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize