he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
