so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
