shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
