Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
