She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
