therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
