I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
